If I was to list my likes and dislikes then near to the top of my likes would be drinking and occupying one of the high positions in my dislikes would undoubtedly be shopping. Therefore when news reached me that one of the largest retail properties in the centre of Tamworth was to close to be replaced with a pub I felt that it could be the best thing to happen to the ancient capital of Mercia since tik tok sensation (I believe that’s what he is) Spudman introduced his new home made minced beef and onion topping !!
It’s directly opposite a Turkish barbers though this doesn’t necessarily help given that the town must have an insatiable appetite for skin fades as there are about a dozen money laundering establishments oops I mean ‘Turkish style barbers’ dotted round the town centre !!
Castle Sports Lounge occupies the site of the former Wilkos store and as the name suggests, just like Ronseal, it does exactly what it says on the tin. When the owners asked the council for planning permission to turn Wilkos into a sports bar they stated ‘everyone is crying out for a venue like this’. Erm, as Loyd Grossman (the irritating former presenter of Through the Keyhole) used to say ‘Let’s examine the evidence’, Tamworth town centre currently has The Tamworth Sports Bar, Pitchers and The Lucky Kiss, I can only assume the owners employed OJ Simpson’s lawyers or else a Brian Clough brown envelope changed hands to get this approved. All of this is purely for comedic value if any of my many fans are lawyers !!
The Castle theme (the pub is in the shadow of the town’s historic fortified structure) is evident when you walk through the door..
…customers are immediately welcomed by the toilets and given a choice of Maids or Knights. Presumably the male establishment is where Knights draw their swords from their scabbards !! Bizarrely a neon sign proclaims ‘Welcome to the Jungle’, I’m not sure if this a nod to those cheeky Geordie chappies Ant n Dec or is in tribute to Axl and boys, however neither seem particularly castle related.
Also in the front area is this…
…wings (the flying accompaniment rather than Macca and his band) mounted on artificial foliage. I can only imagine that the young ladies of Tamworth stand in front of it and pout for a selfie, I’m sure it looks wicked on the ‘gram !!
It is only when you step inside that you appreciate the enormity of the place, it is an absolute behemoth of a pub…
…it can seat 300, it has 32 tv screens, one of which is 100 inches which when I was in there (a Wednesday afternoon when there was no sport on) was showing music videos on a channel whose name escapes me but you know the sort, adverts every few minutes about miss selling of car finance etc. I will admit to be somewhat distracted by our favourite Antipodean Kylie Minogue declaring that she is Spinning Around, my word the Australian native’s hot pants were that short I’m sure I could see Tasmania!!
It is probably worth pointing out that the conversion from the old Wilkos to the Castle Sports Lounge is absolutely not worthy of a programme by Nick Knowles or Kevin McCloud, they literally removed all the shop fittings, constructed a bar in the middle of the old shop and filled the place with tvs and pool tables, dart boards etc. Literally nothing has changed, the roof tiles are exactly the same as are the floor tiles..
…in fact I recognised the exact place where we used to pick up our nail brushes from !!
There are various neon signs round the place…
…which gives it the appearance of a down market strip joint, well I’m told that’s how they look !!
There are a large number of pool tables and I can only assume punters come prepared based on what I saw when I visited…
…either that or it’s the brightest spirit level carrying case that I’ve ever seen !!
The Sports Lounge runs regular pool competitions and apparently cabbages and sharks are welcome, whatever that means !! Actually a pool cabbage is about as near as you get to a vegetable in Tamworth’s newest venue as they list their food choices as ‘chocolate, nuts and crisps’ !! Maybe that bloke had an epinephrine autoinjector in his pink carry case given the likelihood of an anaphylactic reaction given those culinary options !!
As well as pool tables there is also a shuffleboard..
…I must admit I don’t know much about this sport so for the purposes of this blog I’ve done some research. A shuffleboard (as is the case at the Castle Sports Lounge) often has supply of sawdust, this is referred to as shuffleboard powder (I wouldn’t recommend visiting the Knights and asking for powder !!) which ‘allows for a fast puck movement’ !! Please stop sniggering children !!
Whilst Tommy might have played pinball machines from Soho to Brighton I wonder if he’s played the Metallica version in Tamworth…
..I bet he flip-in hasn’t !!
Sadly the bar choices are about as inspiring as the food choices..
The fact that the offer that was being pushed was 3 bottles of Hooch for £10, my teeth started itching at the prospect !!
One notable exception was the following…
…yep, I’ve not seen the headache inducing Carling Premier since Blues were actually in the Premier League, yes we were once I’ll have you know !!
I’m not sure my visit to the Castle Sports Lounge moat-ivated me to return!!
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